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Let the Woman Set the Pace By Lynne Youdin | 19-07-2007 http://www.sexyadsnews.com

If there's one suggestion that I could give to men, it would be to tell them: let the woman set the pace of the relationship.

I am aware that many men, often unconsciously, like to perceive women as fantasy creatures who are full of light, beauty, sexuality and understanding; but it's time to get past this marketing image now. While all women have light, beauty, sexuality and understanding-yes, they do, even if you are not the recipient of it-women are still real life, down-to-earth human beings. We have flaws, we have heart, we have spirit, we make mistakes. Some of us have even had some difficult times. But we all want to love. We all want to experience expressing and receiving care and affection, even though it may not seem that way. It's not that we pull back to play "hard to get" as some people have suggested: it's that we have to proceed at a pace that feels safe for us.

Let me give you an example. I befriended a man who let me know the first time that we had lunch together that he was attracted to me. When saying goodbye, he leaned in the car and planted a light kiss on my lips. My internal reaction was: "Not comfortable, not comfortable being kissed by a stranger," and my thought was to not see him again. But I could see that his intent wasn't to make me feel uncomfortable; so I decided that I was going to have to deal with this somehow by the time we got together again.

I didn't quite do that on the second date but because we had met thru SexyAds and our level of conversation could dip into deeper, more personal thoughts, I was able to tell him of my discomfort when men found me attractive. His response of telling me that "no pressure would come from him because he wanted me to feel comfortable" drew me towards him almost naturally; and by the fourth date we surprised one another by the chemistry that we both experienced when deeply kissing. But if he had pushed me in any way, if he had not let me come towards him in my own time, we wouldn't even be talking today.

In letting the woman set the pace, you are telling her that you are respecting her feelings. You are telling her that you care that she feels comfortable with you and not afraid; you are telling her that her feelings are important. In telling her that her feelings are important, you are validating her. In validating any human being, it inspires a warmth within that makes the recipient of it want to draw closer. Once you have a woman draw closer to you because she's comfortable, you will find that you have gently opened yourself up to experiencing a level of intimacy that just might take you by surprise by its genuineness and passion. And isn't that what you wanted in the first place?